by John McGran
eDiets Editor-in-Chief
There's little lean about the pictured leaning tower of bread,
meats, cole slaw, French fries and tomatoes that make up a typical
Primanti Brothers sandwich.
Regular readers nominated the Pittsburgh legend as just one of many
regional foods/eateries deserving of entry into our Worst Food hall
of Shame. See if you recognize any of the nominees. If not, make
sure to vote for your personal choice of a good food gone wrong!
According to the Primanti
Brothers website: "It would be hard not to associate
Pittsburgh with The Almost Famous Primanti Brothers Sandwich. Over
the past sixty-odd years Primanti’s has grown from a simple
late-night diner to an acknowledged Pittsburgh Institution."
From the looks of their sandwiches, the eatery is more like a
detrimental institution for the dietetically insane! OK, so that’s
a stretch. But making a Primanti Brothers sandwich a regular part of
your diet would make your waistband a stretch, too.
Alas, I have no idea how much badness goes into one of these
super-sized sandwiches. I only learned of this all-in-one
monstrosity (the fries and cole slaw come INSIDE the bread) from the
many emails received from readers like you.
Maria C. Willett wrote:
I recently traveled to Pittsburgh on business. After my
meeting, I asked the bellman where a great place to grab lunch was.
(I didn't specify healthy!) He sent me on a short walk to the
downtown marketplace, where I found Primanti Brothers. "It's a
Pittsburgh staple," he said. I ordered roast beef and Swiss and
when the food came I was astounded! A pound-and-a-half of roast
beef, gooey Swiss cheese, fries, more cheese, cole slaw, and gobs of
mayo all stacked on about a foot of French bread, which had been
buttered and grilled before slapping this concoction together. I
only managed to eat about half and fortunately was able to haul
myself back to the hotel. I noticed that you could add a chili
topping to your "sandwich" for only a few cents more.
Maybe next time.
After receiving Maria’s descriptive account, I filed her email
away for a rainy day. That’s today... the day Mr. Bad Food rains
on the nation’s diet parade with his readers’ roundup of Worst
Food Hall of Shame candidates.
Back to the Steel City for a second opinion from Glory:
You can't visit Pittsburgh without having one of these
beauties, a Primanti Brothers Sandwich. They start with two THICK
pieces of bread that they slice, then top it with the meat and
cheese of your choice, tomato, cole slaw and French fries! There are
no special orders and they hold NOTHING! The ONLY choices you have
are the kind of meat and cheese. Example: double egg, hot or sweet
sausage, knockwurst, kielbasa, jumbo bologna, salami, pastrami,
etc., and then Swiss, American or provolone cheese. You can't visit
Pittsburgh without going to the Historical Strip District for lunch
and a beer at Primanti Brothers! They're also open after the local
bars close down so you know there's always a crowd then!
A state away, my friend Mary stumbled upon another worst food
winner:
At a restaurant (now closed) in Buffalo they served "Wet
Shoes." Over a plate of French-fries, they'd pile chili con
carne and top that with cheese and sour cream. It was diet
disastrous, but unfortunately I used to love to go there for this
once a year anyway!
Well Mary, if you only indulged once a year, you did very good.
By the way, Mr. Bad Food never means to preach abstinence of any
foods... even the “worst of the worst” ones. A workable diet
(a.k.a. healthy lifestyle) includes indulgences now and then.
The key is moderation. Have a bite of a Primanti Brothers
sandwich. Just refrain from feeling like it’s a challenge and you
must eat every last morsel!
OK, back to our reader submissions and more from Buffalo, home of
the infamous chicken wing!
My brother used to go to school in Buffalo and once when I
visited him he took me to a diner in a town nearby and he ordered
"The Big Savory." He claimed it was his favorite meal in
the world. When it arrived, I couldn’t even recognize it as a
food. Fearfully, I asked the big question: "What is it?"
Well, it's a HUGE hero roll, drenched in butter then topped with a
load of scrambled eggs. Then it’s a ground chicken (chicken and
God knows what else) patty, breaded, deep-fried, covered in cheese,
and breaded and fried again! Then it is garnished with mayo, bacon,
some mozzarella cheese, and for the health-conscious pig, a few
tomato slices. It's not quite over yet. The whole sandwich is
SMOTHERED in gravy yet you're supposed to eat it with your hands.
And of course, you can't forget the fries. My tuna sandwich cowered
in fear of this monstrosity. The saddest part of all: it was so
delicious! I can't fathom how my brother ate the whole thing, but
it’s not hard to imagine why he came home for Christmas 30 pounds
heavier and now has a cholesterol problem!
Nathalia Waffelles
Texas coed Kristin nominates something called a Smorge (no, it's
not the Lone Star state's most famous resident, Smorge W. Bush!):
Right now I'm in college here in North Texas. Well there is
this little joint here called Mr. Pig. (Great name, huh?) Well their
specialty is the Smorge Sandwich. It’s a chicken fried steak with
white and brown gravy, topped with cheese, bacon, a burger patty and
more cheese... on a whole-wheat bun. It’s served with your choice
of bread and a dipping sauce (usually all they have is cheese and
gravy). Talk about yummmm. But it’s sure to kill one of these
college students someday. Oh, and dessert is free if you finish it!
West Coast girls who frequent one certain Bay Area eatery have
good reason to be hip (as in hippy!), according to my friend Kathy:
On a recent trip to San Francisco, I happened across a diner
called The Grubstake. Their specialty is a burger entitled The
Nugget. This 1/3-pound artery clogger has a fried egg AND bacon on
it! I didn't have the nerve to try it.”
Illinois resident Stew Campbell writes:
Surely an ideal candidate for the Worst Food Hall of Fame has
to be the British pub food "Scotch Eggs." This greasy
delicacy is a hardboiled egg, wrapped in sausage, then in breading,
and deep-fried to a golden brown. It’s usually served with a
mustardy cheese "rarebit" sauce and you can bet you better
double up on your Zocor before you bite into one.
It’s easy to blame donut shops for their wares, however it’s
possible to take a bad food and make it worse as the following two
entries attest:
I just returned from a six-week RV trip. This “wonderful”
desert came from one of my RV cronies: Cut a Krispy Kreme donut in
half, fry the two halves in butter so the icing caramelizes, top
with a scoop of ice cream and hot fudge sauce. It’s to die for!
Sue
(EDITOR’S NOTE: Sue, Mr. Bad Food wouldn’t doubt that
"to-die-for" claim for a moment!)
I worked with a fellow who refreshed stale donuts by slicing
them and reheating in the microwave. He then spread butter all over
each half. As if donuts don't contain enough fat! Gads, I still have
trouble eating a donut... but not enough.
Joyce
Hunger for even more of this coast-to-coast cuisine madness? OK,
chew on this...
There was a place in Orange Park, Florida, called Raintreats.
Their special heart attack hat trick was to take a large piece of
the world's richest cheesecake, shove a stick into it, dip the
cheesecake into the most sinfully delicious chocolate you've ever
imagined, then roll the cellulite-inducing treat in chopped nuts. It
was then served frozen. And to think, I used to feel that those
chocolate-covered frozen bananas were bad for you!
Maureen
As you can imagine, here in the "Crescent City" of
New Orleans, we love our food. We have an abundance of restaurants
here and most of them are great! People here really know how to eat
and drink the good life. One of our "health busters" is
Double Chocolate Bread Pudding at a local seafood restaurant. After
a great meal of grilled Gulf fish and grilled vegetables, you can
then indulge. The bread is chocolate with chunks of chocolate inside
and baked with sugar on top. Then it is served hot with white and
chocolate (1/4 cup of each) poured over the top. It is rich and
wonderful and I can't think of the calories. Even with the usual two
people sharing one serving, it is scary.
Susan
This is the worst I've seen (and I'm a native New Orleanian).
There is a little restaurant in St. Francisville, Louisiana that
serves a DEEP-FRIED rib-eye steak smothered with some type of white
cream gravy! My friend ordered it and I almost got sick to my
stomach watching her eat it. Hmmmmm... that's fat, deep fried in
more saturated fat with creamy liquid fat on top. Now that's a heart
attack on a plate.
Rachel E.
There is a diner in Miami that has a dessert called "The
Kitchen Sink." It has 9 or 10 scoops of ice cream!!! And comes
with all the toppings you want: hot fudge, caramel, whipped cream
and you can't forget the cherries. I haven’t tried it, but every
time I read it on the menu, I feel like a gained 10 pounds!
Kelly Foley
A favorite bar of mine in an undisclosed college town used to
serve a deep-fried cheeseburger. They took a quarter-pound patty and
some cheese, breaded the combination, then deep-fried it and served
it on a bun with the fixings. How they kept it together, I'll never
know. The results were this: after one delicious bite not only could
your feel the cheese and grease running down the sides of your
mouth, but I swear you could hear your arteries clogging! But you
did get all four food groups!
Andy
OK, put down the white flag -- I hear you shouting, “Enough
already Mr. Bad Food... we couldn’t read another bite!”
If you know of a really bad food served up at a really popular
restaurant, please email me the details at john@ediets.com.
Your comments may be regurgitated in a future Worst of the Worst
Foods column.
