WHO GETS WHAT? by John Mariani Nothing, save drinking the water in Tijuana, causes travelers more anxiety than the vagaries of tipping.  I have sat across dining tables with some of the best-traveled, most sophisticated people in the world who start to tremble when they have to write in a gratuity on the bill. I’ve seen CEOs who barely shrug when faced with a Senate sub-committee investigation in the afternoon go to pieces contemplating the tip at dinner that evening. I admit, tipping is a tough business.  And a completely stupid one, defended on the one hand by those who choose not to pay a decent wage to their employees, and on the other by those same employees who both need the money and who love the feel of straight cash in their pocket. But why do we tip waiters, porters and valet parkers but not salespersons at a shoe store, check-out workers at a supermarket, or attendants at a full service gas stations--none of whom makes much more than minimum wage? There seems no rhyme nor reason to it, except entrenched tradition. By the way, the word “tip” is not an abbreviation for “to insure promptness.”  “Gratuity” precedes “tip” in print by two hundred years (around 1540), and right from the get-go people complained about the intrusiveness of the practice, for the same reason beggars make us feel guilty. And the rules are always changing. It used to be in the U.S. that you didn’t tip a full 15% on beverages, especially if you’ve ordered a $700 bottle of Romanée-Conti. Now it’s expected. Tipping was always discouraged in British pubs until recently; now some publicans encourage it. Australia was until recently a tip-free society, but that’s changing too. And for the most part, we have only ourselves to blame, because American tourists, goaded by naiveté and misguided travel writers, tend to tip everyone within fifty yards of a hotel, restaurant or car park--even when the service is included. Let me try to help by giving some reasonable guidelines that still make sense around the world. UNITED STATES Restaurants: For good service 15% is the norm, for superior service, 20%. Don’t bother breaking it down on your credit card at 15% for the waiter and 5% for the captain, because all of whom share their tips with the busboys, wine steward and bartenders.  Only if the wine steward has performed exceptional services, like choosing several wines for a multi- course meal or decanting old vintages, you may want to tip him $5-$20 in cash.  The maître d’ is tipped upon leaving only if he provided a special service like getting you a specific table you requested, arranged for a birthday cake, or notified you that your ex-wife or current husband is in the dining room. If you wish to ensure such service and be remembered, make it a twenty.  Never, ever grease his palm upon entering: You will be marked as a patsy and he’ll expect a bribe every time you return. Remember: A maître d’ is there to serve you, not for you to service him. These days the coatcheck girl (person?) gets a dollar per item, including umbrellas and stored packages.  As for parking valets--otherwise known as holdup men--tip whatever you think is enough to get your car quickly and back in one piece, usually a buck. In Los Angeles, where they may have to see the same valet again and fear a scratch on their car the way they do a self-inflicted knife wound, people tip absurd amounts.  Hotels: This can get expensive in the U.S. The doorman gets a dollar or two if he helps with your bags, not if he just opens the car door. A dollar is generous if he hails you a cab. The porter who carries your bags to your room or upon check-out gets a dollar per bag.  At the majority of cases in American hotels these days a despicable 18% gratuity (sometimes masquerading as a “service charge”) is printed on room service bills, in which case you should not tip the deliverer a nickel more, especially since he did nothing but bring up the tray and pour your coffee.  Tipping chambermaids is a headshaker: Why must one pay extra to have one’s room cleaned? I usually don’t, unless special services were provided, like ironing boards (which a good hotel should provide in the first place), extra towels or amenities, making up the room at an odd hour, and above all respecting the “Do Not Disturb” sign you put on the door. EUROPE Generally speaking, tipping is wholly unnecessary in most European countries, which print “service included,” “servizio incluso,” or “service compris” on checks, along with a sky-high V.A.T. tax near 20%.  This means that in Spain, Portugal, France, Italy, the Netherlands, Greece, Germany, Belgium, and Scandinavia, you should follow the rubric noted in the Gault-Millau Guide to Paris & Provence:  “French law mandates that the service charge, 15 percent, always be included in the menu prices. You are not obliged to leave an additional tip [my italics], but it is good form to leave a little more if the service was satisfactory.”  Once, while dining at one of Paris’ most expensive restaurants, I asked my well- fed Parisian friend if $15 would be a sufficient gratuity for a meal that included exceptional service and a couple of complimentary food items. “It would be more than generous,” he said. “Frankly I’ve never seen anyone leave more than $15 no matter what the bill.” What, then, is the pour boire? It is the tradition of leaving excess change or a few francs on the table or rounding off the bill. The term actually translates as “for a drink,” so that the server can have himself one.  This practice is more the case at a cafe, bistro, trattoria or taverna than at a fine dining restaurant. The same applies at European hotels, where the same 15% service charge is built right into your bill.  I admit that I tip a few euros to the fellow who carries up my bags, but that’s as far as it goes, unless, again, some special service was provided. Ah, but then there is the concierge--the fellow in the navy blue jacket with the gold trim who can work wonders for travelers, from getting an audience with the Pope to obtaining tickets to a hot new show in town. If he does provide such extraordinary service, tip him whatever you think it was worth when you leave--at least $10--but the sky’s the limit if he got you a seat on the aisle right next to the Pope at a hot new show. If he has simply made a reservation for a restaurant or gave you directions on a map, you need not tip him at all. GREAT BRITAIN AND IRELAND The rules have in the past been closer to American tipping ritual in GB and Ireland, though the gratuities are a bit lower--between 10% and 15% for restaurant service, 10% for taxi cabs, a pound or two for porters.  As noted, pubs once discouraged tipping per se, though there are signs this is changing. Proceed at your own discretion. But every time I revisit London I find more and more restaurants adding a service charge of about 12.5%, so check your bill carefully before whipping out your quid.     EASTERN EUROPE Funny, isn’t it, how capitalism has caught on so fast at the former Soviet republics? Meaning that everyone has his hand out in hotels and restaurants. The temptation, however, is for Americans to overtip, especially since prices are so low. Many restaurants and hotels already include a service charge, so ask. If not, 10%-15%--in cash--will be much appreciated from Budapest to St. Petersburg, where monthly wages may average $90-$150 a month. MIDDLE EAST The differences from country to country make general statements impossible and specific guidelines too lengthy for inclusion here. Ask at the local tourist office what customs suggest.  In a city like Istanbul, where you literally have to bargain for the price of your hotel room, $5-$10 given to the front desk should go to the hotel staff. I said, should.  There is always a 10% service charge on restaurant bills, but another 10% gratuity is customary. In taxis, round out the fare to the nearest convenient amount. Until recently in Israel no one expected a tip; they still don’t, but it’s become customary to leave 10% at a restaurant and to leave several dollars for chambermaids upon exiting your hotel. Porters get a dollar or two when they carry your bags up. THE FAR EAST In Hong Kong a 10% tip used to be the norm at a modest restaurant, while upscale dining rooms usually added 10% to the bill, as do hotels. Taxi drivers also deserved 10% for their services. Now that Communist policy governs such things, tipping is officially discouraged as capitalist bribery and used to be illegal. Few Chinese these days will refuse a tip (or fear jail time for such an offense), but be  careful about throwing around cash.  Some modern restaurants now tack on a 15% service charge. Singapore also frowns upon tipping, despite the fact that the 10% service charge at restaurants doesn’t always go the waitstaff. Bellboys, however, can accept a dollar or two per bag in hotels. This is also true in Bangkok, where gratuities are not expected at hotels or restaurants. In Japan, where a 10% service charge is usually on the hotel and restaurant bills, tipping is truly considered bad form and an embarrassment, so keep your hands in your pockets. AUSTRALIA Civilized country that it is, Australia does not exact a service charge; neither do Australians in the service industry expect a tip, though no one will refuse one, and you will be considered courteous if you leave 5% on a restaurant bill, and generous if you leave 10%. A porter may get a dollar or two, as might a taxi driver. OTHER COUNTRIES Briefly, the rules in the Caribbean, Mexico, Central and South America vary, so it’s best to ask your travel agent, tourist office or concierge before proceeding. THE BIG PROVISO Of course, never underestimate the power of the “multiplier effect,” which dictates that tipping five to ten times what I’ve recommended above will get you the best service of your life.  The late New York plumbing executive John Gotti used to ensure extra special suck-up service by doubling the amount of the bill for a tip at restaurants--always obtaining the best table with his back to the wall.  It was a sad day for New York waiters when the Feds sent the Dapper Don to the slammer, where his meals were provided through a slot in his cell. Service compris.